Resident Evil: Retribution

Man oh man, just like the zombies in these flicks this series just won’t die.. .it just keeps limping along getting uglier all the time. I admit, I asked for this, so I shouldn’t lambaste it too much.

However, this is less of a movie and more of a greatest hits clips show. And if you haven’t seen the interstitial animations, such as the recent Resident Evil: Damnation, or played the games, you’d be utterly lost at the end. It may be fair to say that the movies only exist to support the game, but I would disagree. The original was inspired by the film, but it wasn’t until the third that they actually became complete slaves to the marketing arm of Capcom.

As a movie, I’ll grant this newest entrant had one large (stretch) of a reveal plotwise for the series, but that wouldn’t be the reason to see it. You go to this film solely to see the fighting and some of your favorite characters from earlier in the series. If you are also a 3D nut, it was certainly and unabashedly shot for shocks on that level. As a movie on its own, it pretty much just fails. This could have been a wonderful wrap-up and fare-thee-well, but it couldn’t even allow itself to end. There would need to be at least one more coming to wrap it all up.

So, you ask, will I be there for the 6th installment given my clear lack of delight in the mindless effort that spawned this fifth? Yeah, I will, at least at the cheap theater again. Why? We have a tradition: Resident Evil, firing range (to practice for the zombie apocalypse), drinking (to remember those we lost during the zombie apocalypse). As drinking games go, it is a bit involved, but now that I’m reliably killing zombies at 15 yards with a handgun, I’m at least putting my 90 minutes to use. Since I rarely go outside of these releases, I need them to keep my skills sharp … just-in-case. Certainly Joss Whedon would agree the skill may be needed.

Here’s hoping that the series can finally be laid to rest along with the pile of body parts, empty shells,  and pools of blood it has left in its wake. Now there’s a challenge for someone: total up that information over the released films. It may well hold the record for carnage. It certainly doesn’t hold the record for quality film making.

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